Tragicflux's Journals

Give this a name!

I wake up, my head is pounding

hands are shaking and

it's kinda fuzzy thinkin of

all that went down

after the show

You're lying next to me and

who you are I really don't know

but I can guarantee I know all the things I said

Hi my name is

and I just think that you ought to know

I've never seen a girl with quite your type of glow

I'm not one for meeting strangers

See I'm kinda shy

Let's sneak out back

and lemme give you my best try

'cause baby I can love you tonight

So now you're wondering

"What wrongs have I done?"

And now I'm pondering

last night, what of

of the things we must have done

the fun we must have had and

the friends left churning in the wake

I'm awake and thanking god for the words

that made me your one night star

Hi my name is

and I just think that you ought to know

I've never seen a girl with quite your type of glow

I'm not one for meeting strangers

See I'm kinda shy

Let's sneak out back

and lemme give you my best try

'cause baby I can love you tonight

I'm sorry if it goes against your morals

Blame me for everything

'Cause nothin happened

babe your secret is safe with me

I'm just a boy and you're just a girl. oh what a girl

maybe it was meant to be

And if you're willing

I'd like to give it all

One last fling

Hi my name is

And I think that you ought to know

I've never seen a girl whith quite your type of glow

Now you're the stranger lying in my bed

and you'll be running through my head

for weeks to come

I'm glad you didn't sneak out before the morning had come

The sun lights up your eyes and your beauty strikes me dumb

Let's take the day off

I need to know the pay off

of all my best efforts

I hope that I can love you

Oh I pray that I can love you

Oh! I know that I can love you every night

So here's to all the worries

please don't take off in a hurry

'Cause baby I can love you for more than a night

Sing Our Song(New Lyrics!!!)

Good night to all the people
who did all that they could
Farewell to all the friends
who tried their best
but did no good
I'm headed east
for home now
I've got no will left to lie
Just promise that you'll be there
to bid me a bittersweet goodbye

So don't cry
Don't try to stop me
It'll only hurt me more
Just smile, and promise me
I'll always have your heart
My dreams, they just weren't meant to be
Please try not to mourn
Cause every time that I start to cry
I'll start to sing our song

You ought to count your blessings
Oh, I gave my best for you
The fables of our love
seemed fantasy, but rang so true
Cause California's cold for once
and I'll be leaving you
Our whispers and our tragedy
paved the way for something new

So don't cry
Don't try to stop me
It'll only hurt me more
Just smile, and promise me
I'll always have your heart
My dreams, they just weren't meant to be
Please try not to mourn
Cause every time that I start to cry
I'll start to sing our song

I tried my best
and fell so short
I wasn't made for you
In my weakened state
I fell so hard
petrified by the truth
Now I'm packing up and headed home
that's all there's left to do
The memories and our photographs
will have to get me through

So don't cry
Don't try to stop me
It'll only hurt me more
Just smile, and promise me
I'll always have your heart
My dreams, they just weren't meant to be
Please try not to mourn
Cause every time that I start to cry
I'll start to sing our song

It's only fair to question me
my motives and my intents
In my fantasies
where things worked for me
I'll never have regrets
So don't cry, don't lash out in anger
there's nothing left to prove
I loved you more than these words can say
and I hope you see the truth

So don't cry
Don't try to stop me
It'll only hurt me more
Just smile, and promise me
I'll always have your heart
My dreams, they just weren't meant to be
Please try not to mourn
Cause every time that I start to cry
I'll start to sing our song

Black and Blue Horizons(Lyrics)

I'll count the seconds
but they don't matter anymore
I'll watch the shadows
dance across these four walls
Hold tight to life
as we slip free from it's claws
We'll see this city
on its knees before it falls

Let's run, run away
We've gotta run away
And try to remember
when we saw better days
we'll look back on the horizon
before it turns black and blue

Tell me baby
what did i ever do to you?
So hard to believe
this place ever felt brand new
We'll hold onto everything we know
for one last night

Let's run, run away
We've gotta run away
And try to remember
when we saw better days
we'll look back on the horizon
before it turns black and blue

I'll count the seconds
they're all we've got
I'll watch the shadows
but the sun's coming up now
Hold tight to life
as we're born again
We'll see this city
on it's feet at least once more

I want some scars(lyrics)

She leaves the room
I call her name
It's always the same
I'm tired of this life
I'm tired of this game

Take me away, and show me what it is to live
Save me, and teach me how to love again
I know it's all the same in the end
But I want a few scars to show off by then

She says that she feels cold inside
I'm so sick of lying all the time
So unstable, couldn't take this if you tried
But I know I'm taking the plunge tonight

Take me away, and show me what it is to live
Save me, and teach me how to love again
I know it's all the same in the end
But I want a few scars to show off by then

I'm done with this
I've had enough
My passion 's been dead for far too long

Take me away, and show me what it is to live
Save me, and teach me how to love again
I know it's all the same in the end
But I want a few scars to show off by then

Model Behavior(New Song)

Wrote a new song tonight, so here are the lyrics. Please tell me what you think of it :]

Model Behavior

take a step back
and take a look what you've done
you may be beautiful but darling this shit aint fun

sit up blood's dripping from your nose
there's a fountain of youth
but you won't find it in blow

it's all model behavior
one more cigarette
and drinks on strangers
let's get fucked up
and hit the town
in this life of excess
you know it's swim or drown

so take your chances
and live while you're young
'cause our worlds come crashing down
at the slip of a tongue

brush me off
fuck me up
brush me off
fuck me up

but when you take me home you know

it's all model behavior
one more cigarette
and drinks on strangers
let's get fucked up
and hit the town
in this life of excess
you know it's swim or drown

so take a step back
and take a look what you've done
you may be beautiful but darling this shit aint fun

it's all model behavior
one more cigarette
and drinks on strangers
let's get fucked up
and hit the town
in this life of excess
you know it's swim or drown

it's all model behavior

it's all model behavior

The result of my free write:"The Lowly Spider" Tell me what you think if you don't mind :]

There are those among us who gather ideas forever thinking that one day everything will simply "click" and they will understand the world.
But not I the lowly spider. My mind is a web in the grass. My thoughts, the mornings sweet dew, dispersed amongst my silken threads of consciousness.
The rippling wind of a new love or lost soul can make the greatest wave, sending all my precious dew drops to the treacherous ground below and start my day anew, with a beauty so graceful that one can not help but shed tears.
These dew drops, new or old, weigh more than the entanglement of my mind, more even than I do. But they do not break my web or myself for I collect them, I control them in a way most subtle.
For I am the spider who sits all morn long and taps my foot to the sounds only one such as I can here, whether you call us mad or artistic it is no matter.
This tapping; a nervous habit or the beat of a divine symphony savored by the gifted?
This tap-tap-tap shakes my web, my mind, and even the emerald grass, the very foundation of my consciousness, as I let the music take hold while it is played by those as mad as I.
These drops of thought trickle to my center of creativity, the center of my web, and join into not one whole, but many wholes.
Then they begin to fall, falling away from me as I capture those that glow brightest in the fiery dawn, to hold and share with another spider who may truly understand my strife, my pilgrimage to the heart of hearts, where the soul is bound to its shell, the body of man.
All by a spiders thread, the mind of one gifted such as I.
The lowly spider.

Im going to free write tonight

I've got so much inspiration and so much self doubt right now. I figure I'll write a self portrait of sorts. Maybe I'll write a sonnet or a poem. But knowing me it will just turn out to be ordinary prose.

The Ant Hill

Every time you try to rebuild something and make it better and more beautiful than your last try it always seems to blow up in your face and make you feel unworthy of walking gods green fucking earth.
By you, I mean me.
It makes me want to find some dingy hole to crawl into and die.
I can't even look my father in the eyes and tell him whats wrong when he asks because I'm so insecure I fear I may lose his respect and his love
What's the point of this meager existence if the only times I feel human are the same times I hurt the most.
Do we all bear the same hardships, or is god just some bastard child with a magnifying glass, and we a colony of ants living our lives as he decides who suffers, who lives, who dies, who is maimed.
If this is the case I am the ant he has maimed, god having burnt off half my body and left the rest to writhe and suffer in the dirt. I am of no use to the colony or myself, my sad existence is only hindering those around me who stare as I struggle to make some pitiful attempt at survival. If that prick doesn't come back to finish me off I'll die from the cold of the night any how.

Five days and I finally found a keeper

Went to a place in Seekonk MA today and found a guitar that I just could not have left without. It's made by a company out of Clearwater FL and it is gorgeous. It sounds amazing dirty or clean and is just a tone monster. It suits my style of play perfectly and has a unique spalted maple top that is to die for. I think I'm going to invest in a second one with a bobinga top (which gives you sustain for days) and throw a bigsby tail piece on it so I can do some serious jamming. Today was awesome and I'm so happy I found a new guitar before I start writing the guitar parts for my new songs.

Michael Kelly: http://www.michaelkellyguitars.com/

And here is the axe:

The last four days have been quite hectic.

I've been driving all over the place to try out different guitars and I'm not finding anything suitable. Even the PRS of my dreams just didn't feel right. Tomorrow I'm going out to Fall River and the surrounding area's to try and find a decent axe. These last few days I must have played close to 100 guitars and my fingers are so sore that I'd just assume have someone else play the rest for me lol. After guitar search part V I think I'll head to Providence to do some Christmas shopping. I just can't wait to take a nice long hiatus after the new year when I get to go to LA. I'm supposed to be doing college interviews but I think I'm going to cancel a bunch so I can go shopping and check out the local scene. Who knows, I may just stop being a bitch and get a fucking tattoo.
California seems years away. I just can't fuck up and piss my Dad off majorly between now and then so I'll cross my fingers and try to act like a human being.
I think I'm going to go write and then I'll watch Lost Boys :)